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3rd February 2003

4:28pm: My poor misplaced arm. It’s kind of odd the things you miss when you can’t do them. Things you take for granted that suddenly take on a whole new complexity.

Tying your shoelaces. Button cuffs are now a no-go. It’s cufflinks all the way. Ties are now a clip-on experience, unless I want to spend time using my knees to hold the end as I attempt to tighten the knot. Disconnected zippers, like on a jacket are also a bugger to get right if the material isn’t stiff enough to hold still and heavy enough to allow you to pull the zip without bringing the bottom of the zip with you.

Trying to lean against the wall, and urinate in the men’s room at the same time. On that thought, have you ever tried folding toilet paper with one hand? I’d been forcibly converted to the ‘scrunch’ method of wiping my butt. Oh, and washing my hand? There is no way I can work up a good lather, or scrub my entire hand unless I’m in the shower and can rub against the rest of my body.

Reading a large softcover book with nothing to rest it against. Browsing any sort of newspaper without a prop. I tell you, my days of the ‘ol’ hide-behind-the-newspaper-as-a-disguise’ trick are long gone. E-books are a gift from god. You think that Palm Pilot was only used for one thing? Using a gun. I still fall into the habit of using the two-handed weaver stance sometimes, a habit that will get me killed someday.

Using any of the Universal Gym equipment without tipping over sideways. Barbells. That stupid rowing machine. You wonder why I don’t hang out in the gym often.

Huh. First aid. Ever try wrapping a bandage around your arm with that arm? Not to mention the fact that I’m pretty much useless if that one arm gets damaged. I get nightmares about losing my one remaining arm; I may well shoot myself if I lose it.

If I can pull the trigger with my toes, that is.

Running away. I had to completely rework my usual methods since I was limited to one level. Have you ever tried to climb anything with one arm? Windows as an escape route? Nope.

I never knew how useful the ability to type one-handed would ever have gotten. I tell you, trying to massage a cramp out of your hand with your knees just doesn't cut it.

So much for those semaphore lessons.

I remember watching some sci fi show that had a guy with one arm. He had some sort of psychic power that allowed him to manipulate stuff with his amputated arm, kind of like a ghost limb. Only showed up on the kirilian camera thing. That would be cool. I still move my arm towards things to pick them up, still attempt to reflexively catch flying objects with a hand that no longer exists.

Enough of this rant, people to kill, places to blow, all in a days work for a busy rat.

Gee, I wonder if my careers adviser would ever have placed my employment...

“Yes, Mrs Krycek, we believe your son is admirably suited for triple dealings, murder and occasional run-ins with the federal police...”

Wandering somewhere in the Middle East.

Current Mood: frustrated

28th January 2003

8:46pm: It’s hard to be professional nowadays; everything is New and Improved with Whiter Whites and... er. Well, maybe not quite... Anyway, nobody seems to stay with the tried and true, it’s always the newfangled invention or gun that kills faster, cleaner and If You Call In The Next Fift.. Rrr. I have to stop watching all this late night television.

Rambling back to the point,

*insert pause for suitable ramble*

Ramble ramble, when I was your age, mumble mumble, six feet of snow, grumble grumble, 26 hour day, rhubarb rhubarb...

*Ramble finished*

It’s all so reminiscent of the fast food industry, serve as many customers in the time provided by cutting back on quality, time and preparation.

You do a drive-through, you get your ‘meal’ faster, but with none of the service.

Not many of the old school are still around, sure most of the best are still around, mostly because they’re the best, but the old school are being cut down by the newer generation who have no idea of style or professionalism, to them, as long as they’re dead, it is a success.

Bah, I’ve turned bitter in my ‘old’ age, eh?

You know? I could probably go around the world a few times if I could ever redeem my frequent flyer points...

Flying somewhere over the Pacific

Current Mood: nostalgic

27th January 2003

11:39am: Journal, eh?
Hah. Don't blame me for anything that appears on this journal that may offend, blame Frohike. Not that he had anything to do with this, but he's always a good scapegoat. I've just been wandering out around Australia, (You're too late Mulder. I'm already thousands of miles away from Oz now, gotta get up reeeaaal early to catch this rat) does anyone else wonder how Frohike manages to moonlight as a Prime Minister in his off hours?

Anyway. LiveJournal. What a great idea. I used to have to spend time laying down really obvious clues and hints for people to find me, now I can do it all in one easy step and centralized too! I think I'll suggest this to a friend of mine who always seems to be setting up hugely elaborate schemes and scenes to get that Parker woman of his to follow him. Geez, what that man does to get attention.

So, sunburnt country and all. I've got a good tan, a nice appreciation of the amount of smoke a bushfire can put out, and at least four more outposts destroyed. Without fire, mind you, there's enough of that around, it's amazing what a good strong acid can do to a paintjob, really.

*insert sound effect of "I'm meeeelllllltiinnnngggg!"*

Off to go traipsing elsewhere!

Your roaming rat

Current Mood: creative
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